Sometimes it frustrates me so much to think of ways on how to deal with stuff because one second you’re so hyperactive and then the next you’re devastated because you question your happiness and faith in yourself that you start seeing so many flaws in your plan. And that plan is your life, my life. I get this most of the time when I’m sitting here typing my thoughts down or drawing out ideas I want to happen in my life. The moment I start writing down the words, they slowly slip off of my mind and then they get lost somehow. Whenever I paint or draw, the lights glide down the paper, soothing my mind and calming my hands but when I’m halfway through, it perplexes me that I feel the need to finish it the way I envisioned it and to finish it perfectly without any errors or smudged yet unfortunately enough, that’s when my hands get all shaky.
But there are days in my life that I wake up on the wrong side of the bed yet I still manage to get up and it’s such a wonderful feeling to know that I’ve proven myself wrong. And I think those brave days are what keeps me going. I sleep every single night hoping that tomorrow would be the day that I can get up just as confidently as I did on the other happy days. I would be able to type things neatly and arrange my words just as accordingly as I would my hair for the perfect photoshoot. I would be able to pick the right kind of pencil and even though I’m halfway through, the flaws and the smudges are what gives my artwork a totality and an air of satisfaction that it is perfectly imperfect to my eyes.
This is when I get happy that I had days when I was so frustrated because then I have learned to look at life a little bit better and it being not so organized is what makes it just fine. And I am completely okay with this kind of plan. I hope you are with yours.